Susannah's Fuego
by chayannee
Summary: Her name is Susannah Simon. She is sixteen. Within her, rests an amazing power that could either destroy or save the human race. This power cannot be matched, only weakened. That is why we must bring her back. She is weak. She has fallen in love. [ JS ]
1. o1: Knife of Sadness

**Susannah's Fuego**

**AN:** A small mini-fic related to the not-posted-yet fanfic 'The Legend of Sharlimae' (also may be 'Torero') by Lluvia (Sharlimae) and Isadora (SaGe FaE) . . . sort of a sister-fic. Set around mid-haunted-ish –when Jesse is moving out and Suze still doesn't know he loves her – and AU.

**Summary:** AU. Mid-haunted-ish. Jesse is moving out and Susannah's secret is forcing her to leave Carmel. Can the unknowing and innocent couple speak their love for each other? Or will Susannah leave and Jesse move on . . . forever?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters Jesse de Silva, Susannah Simon, Paul Slater and Father Dominic or any other reference to the Mediator books. Susannah's personality reflects that of Shardae in my own book when she has to leave Michael, so it belongs to me. Sharlimae, Kaeo and anything else you don't know or understand also belongs to me.

**Other: **Enjoy. That is all I ask. And, perhaps, review.

* * *

I stumbled out of Father Dominic's office, tears rolling down my cheeks and my heart feeling as if someone had just stabbed the knife of sadness in my heart, the one that I have always had, even deeper than before.

Once I managed to take a few shuddering steps towards the threshold of the office, the receptionist looked at me with huge, pitying eyes and handed me a tissue.

I uttered to her, 'Thank you.' This was much more help than what Father Dominic had given me.

But he tried. I knew he did. He tried as hard as he could without feeling even more awkward than I had already positioned him. I guess there was nothing that could be done to help me, since it was then that the knife of sadness was piercing the exterior of my core, leaving me to sob uncontrollably.

That is what happens, I may tell you, when love goes away.

Devastated, sorrowful and angry, I managed to get myself slowly and carefully out of the office and down the corridors of the Mission Academy.

When I passed the rectory, the knife took another plunge, causing me to fall to the floor at the reality of it all. I did, of course, know that such a knife did not exist physically. But mentally – it was all I had to make me strong.

It was also all that I had to rip me apart.

That and the fact – the knowledge – that he did not at all love me back. He did not return the ardour that I knew, for myself, was irreversible. I knew that I would rather live a thousand years in complete blindness from this fact than to see him and know that it was all a lie.

The kiss. The happiness. The words.

Overall I had ever dealt with; that was what hurt the most.

Closure.

_I don't think I can take it_, after many stray thoughts, this one struck a deep blow into my bowels, causing me to feel a sudden arousing sickness in my body. _No . . . Not here . . . It wouldn't happen here . . . It couldn't!_

Could it?

I already knew the answer, as much as I was dreading it.

Yes. It could happen here.

It could happen anywhere.

. . . _Except Shadowland._

Someone shaking my shoulders knocked me violently out of my reverie. I looked up and then, abruptly, stood. 'Adam!'

'Suze,' He looked at me, one eyebrow cocked higher than the other. 'I was wondering where you were . . . Woah. What's wrong? Have you been crying?'

I looked away abruptly, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable at the fact that someone actually caught me in the act. 'Yeah. But – but I'm okay now,' I lied.

Adam's worried face faded and a beam spread out in its place, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me towards the courtyard – away from the rectory. He would never know how thankful I was for that . . .

'Great! Now, I have to fill you in on what you have missed – this is huge, you will not believe it – but CeeCee, our own once innocent Cee, had just finished bitching off at . . . gasp . . . Paul Slater!'

He did a silent thank-you prayer to god, including elaborate faces whilst muttering incoherently. Despite myself, I laughed. Taking in what he said also, I laughed even more.

My mental images of CeeCee throwing a bitch fit at Paul were as exaggerated as Adam's prayer, but I felt right again.

I did know, however, that this rightness would soon fade.

I had no idea how right I was.

* * *

**AN: **Smallish I know . . . I was seriously contemplating whether to make this as a huge one-shot, but then decided against it. A mini-fic is too fun to pass up. Sorry guys.

And also, just while I'm here – about Candela, as I said for last chapter, this next one is also a Jesse POV so I found that to get his character as correct as I can, I will have to reread the books. I'm sorry that this is taking so long.

But hey! I posted this, and soon, I will be posting another fic. Thoughtless. I'm convinced that you guys will just eat up the SJ goodness.

Love,

Lluvia.

P.S. This mini-fic is by me alone, the larger story 'The Legend of Sharlimae' (aka. Torero) is a tag-team with SaGe FaE. For anyone who was confused, I just needed to right that.

P.S.S. The next chapter will be up soon.


	2. o2: Nothing Good

**AN:** Thanks for the reviews, peeps. Lolz. I feel so loved! Grrr . . . can someone PLEASE kill Isa? Now I'm doing Shoutouts! Garg.

**_Koziak_** – OMG. First-reviewer-fuzzies! Major overload, actually. Btw, this is set NEAR THE END OF HAUNTED. Aka. When Suze finds out that Jesse is moving to the rectory. I'm trying to abide by the books but . . . it's not working:( Ahh-de-well. Have a nice time reading chappie two (sorry for the wait, as well).

**_Mrs. Nikki Slater_ – AHHHH! **Joking. Lol. Hehehehe . . . thankies for the review. I would LOVE to do a tag team with you, but I am waaaaay to lazy to log into msn and send an email. Hell, I'm too lazy to get off my ass and go get something to drink although I am waaaaaay dehydrated. Waaaaay man –cough, hyper mood, cough-

**_Sir Pent_ -** -eyes really wide- **YOU'RE A MINDREADER! AAAAAAAAH! **Now please tell me, how the HELL did you know I was going to use the song 'Wonderful life,' in this fic? Arg. WHY GOD DAMNIT! . . . Joking.

**_Mrs. Meg DeSilva Slater _**– Hehehehe. I know it makes you questions . . . that's how I wrote it to be. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! –choke- Don't mind me . . . keep reading.

**_SaGe FaE_** – Thy be thee witch . . . thou is! Er. I suck at Elizabethan language. But whatever. Why do I suddenly sound and do things like you! Meh. I SAID I would update on all ma stories. Thoughtless shall come . . . later. Patience, deary, Patience.

_**LordLanceahlot **– _I love you. Seriously. You are so cute with your madass stories and very . . . um. Weird name. Lol. Joking. But thanks for the review. I am not leso, if you were wondering. Just someone who ONLY UNTIL YESTERDAY escaped the mental ward. I only use school for an excuse . . . MWAHAHAHAHAHA! –cough- Yes.

**Disclaimer:** Refer to Chapter One.

* * *

I walked home. I really couldn't have been bothered to hear all Dopey and Sleepy's crap or Doc and his long speeches. All I wanted to do was get things straight in my head. They were all screwed up. I needed perfect clarity if I was going to battle out all these demons and disappointments.

_Disappointments_ . . .

Yeah, more like heartbreak.

And that sinking feeling that you know it's not the person who broke your heart's fault. But yours. Because you were DAMN STUPID ENOUGH to FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM in the FIRST PLACE.

Actually, in the second place. Because this was the second country I had lived in.

God I am so dumb. I can totally see why he doesn't love me now.

Then something hit me . . .

What if . . . what if he found out about . . .

No.

Impossible.

Never. I will NEVER think of that scenario. After what ALMOST happened in Shadowland – me loosing my cool, I mean – I did not need another _episode_.

It was only then that I realized that, in thinking so angrily, that I suddenly felt rather hot. I started fretting . . . what if it was happening again?

But then, I registered how fast I had been walking.

'Shit.' Immediately, I slowed down. My heart was pumping rapidly in my chest, banging against my ribs and causing my head to suddenly begin aching. It was nothing to a post-shifting headache, though.

'Calm down Suze!' I whispered to myself, trying to distract my mind from my fast beating heart, my super-massive headache and the fact that the guy I was in love with didn't return the favour.

AND the fact that he was dead.

I scanned my mind; finding things that could distract me as I walked home. I guess I was wrong – walking alone in long distances does NOTHING good for your mind's clarity.

Whatever that meant.

Finally, I found something. Something I used to do all the time as a kid. Mom said it was the aftermath of the accident in my childhood that caused it. OCD. It had been a huge disorder in the past – but now I couldn't help but carry out one of those mean little habits.

I slowed down my walking pace and, once I passed a massive palm tree, I began counting my steps.

_One . . . two . . . three . . . four . . ._

I muttered these numbers underneath my breath and kept my mind focused on clearing out all of my thoughts. Let it become blank, I told myself, completely blank . . .

_Thirteen . . . fourteen . . . fifteen . . ._

To my horror, I began doing more than those two things at once. Soon my voice faded from voicing the number of footsteps I had counted, yet I continued to tally in my head. Instead, a immature rhyme came to mind and soon, I began to sing that in a cute little toon.

_Twenty-nine . . . thirty . . . thirty-one . . ._

'Sun and moon, rain and shine, Valerie is so divine,' I spoke, in a husky whisper and as if it were my last lifeline, 'Heal me once, Change me twice, Transform me so very nice . . .'

_Fourty . . . fourty-one . . . fourty-two . . ._

My voice arose subconsciously. I had no control whatsoever. This was a familiar feeling . . . the same feeling I got when . . . it happened.

_Fifty-three . . . fifty-four . . . fifty-five . . . _

Despite all the previous times, I did not falter. '. . . And if someone hurts me dear, I will have no real fear . . . Like you my goddess, the very same . . .'

_Fifty-seven . . . fifty-eight . . . fifty-nine . . ._

I felt the wind stir behind me in a strange, unnatural way, just as my lips formed the words:

' . . . I will use the emerald flame.'

I stopped in my tracks, realizing what I had just did. But it was too late . . . oh how it was too late.

The wind began hitting me in gusts, so hard that I almost flew off my feet. It sounded like they were whistling . . . talking . . .

_Singing_.

**Sun and moon, rain and shine, Valerie is so divine.**

**Heal me once, change me twice, transform me so very nice.**

**And if someone hurts me dear, I will have no real fear.**

**Like you, my goddess, the very same, I will use the emerald flame.**

'Suze?' My eyes widened to their fullest extent.

I. Knew. That. Voice.

I hadn't heard it for over two years, of course. I spun around and leapt into Joshua's arms, finally aware of the fact that I was sniffling.

Yet no tears fell. The wind whipped them away before they had a chance.

Just like it did to Joshua. My cousin.

For he wasn't real. Nor a ghost.

He was a hologram . . . from the future.

And I knew that could mean nothing good.

* * *

**AN:** Argmh. Sorry for the LONG update, again, folks. Guess what? IM HALFWAY FINISHED CHAPTER 16 FOR CANDELA! YAY! Lol. It'll be finished soon . . . gah. I had to redo it three times!

Please review and make me very happy . . .

So happy that I'll gain enough energy/inspiration to update.

Love,

Lluvia.


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